By Aditya Aamir
Okay! No need for anybody to talk on behalf of the holy cow. Joyful Swami Nityananda, of the “in compromising position with an actress” fame, says within the year he will have cows and bulls talking! In chaste Sanskrit and hoary Tamil (Imagine the Jallikattu!). Not only cows and bulls, also monkeys, tigers and lions will get phonetically-perfect vocal chords courtesy the Swami.
So, was Mohan Bhagwat’s Wednesday statements on the helpless Gaumata all biogas? The RSS chief, on a three-day mission to educate the masses on RSS and its pet projects, including Gau Raksha, Tuesday pulled up people for giving a pass to cow-smugglers. He also told gaurakshaks to not vigilante Muslim cattle-traders who “take good care of cows” and not leave cows to roam the streets.
“Give them a home,” he said. Maybe, he hadn’t heard of what happened to 450 cows in poll-bound Madhya Pradesh, where the cow’s life is as good as her last mound of dung. The state creates biogas from cow dung and the MP cow is part of PM Narendra Modi’s Gobardhan Yojana, the specifics of which were outlined by Modi recently. The idea is to ensure that the cow doesn’t end up as beef curry or beef fry on dining tables in India but sells by the millions of dollars abroad.
The book ‘The Cow In The Time of Modi’ may not be written, ever, but if any political party is truly a protector of the cow, it is the Congress party. Why, for an extended period, the election symbol of the Congress was the ‘Cow & Calf’, prominently shown on election posters. And, it was a Congress government which banned cow slaughter in several states.
Also, lest it be forgotten, remember the Hindutva-mouthing Sangh Parivaar harks back to ancient times when the ‘cow’ was a delicacy on the hoof! Brahmins led the sacrifice of cows and chieftains of that era were ranked by the strength of their mooing herds. The more pairs of horns on display, the greater the chieftain. Those days men smelled of cow!
Cut to today, the 450 MP cows were allegedly moved out of the protective grid of the gaushala because Prime Minister Narendra Modi was to give a speech in Pipliya Kulmi village of Rajgarh district as part of his ‘Swachhata hi Sewa’ campaign. To ensure that people got to hear and see him, a giant TV screen was installed in a gaushala. The irony was that Modi’s ‘Digital India’ failed Modi and the telecast was cut short for lack of internet connectivity!
But the tragedy of errors was that eight cows died that day of September 15. Two points: First, you don’t need Muslim cattle-traders (aka cow smugglers) to move cows from Point A to Point B and get murdered/lynched for the trouble. Second, the cow-vigilante’s love for the cow is a sham the cows understand but BJP politicians wouldn’t outrage against because they too are of the same stock – a case of cows wagging their tails, the politicians’ tale, that is!
Who-ha? What about the eight cows of Pipliya Kulmi which starved to death? Unconfirmed reports say only five to six of the healthiest cows were allowed to remain in the Naveen Gayatri Gaushala, for display! “The cowshed owner and the district administration were busy in the arrangements for conducting the event and forgot the cows,” a news website quoted a social worker.
Naveen Gayatri Gaushala was chosen venue to telecast the PM’s speech because it supposedly produces tonnes of cow dung. The ‘Office of Kamalnath’ tweeted: “Cows were killed just to hold PM video conferencing, this is BJP’s cow love?” Kamalnath shouldn’t have worried. Swami Nityananda says he will within a year with “scientific medical research” transform cows into walking-talking cattle.
“I’ve tested the software, it’s working perfectly fine. Understand, let this be on record, I will have them talking in Sanskrit within a year. It will be a super-conscious breakthrough, they will grow these human organs… We’re going to have cows and bulls which will talk to you very clearly and legitimately in Sanskrit and Tamil.” Not just cows and bulls, the Swami says he’s also going to endow monkeys, lions and tigers with “proper phonetic, linguistic-capable” vocal chords. Veterinary doctor Mohan Bhagwat can go eat crow. (IPA Service)
The picture is taken from the Internet.
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