By
Aditya Aamir
Monday
morning, ‘yuvatis’ Kanaka Durga and Bindu tried their luck at breaching the
Sabarimala male bastion and failed. Sunday it was Selvi Mano and her band of 10
Chennai girls. Mano – supporter and fan of ‘chapter-and-verse’ Zakir Naik – and
her group were driven away by a horde of Ayyappa devotees in scenes straight
out of Hollywood flicks ‘BC’ and ‘Ice Age’, their appearances a throwback to
the first humans on the planet, nothing Navothana about them at all.
This,
as 2018 draws to a close and media worldwide is doing a recap of the year. In
one word, it has been “chaos”. End of 2018, confusion prevails, from Kerala to
Kashmir. Odisha remains India’s “best kept secret”, the Hockey World Cup will
testify, and Uttar Pradesh is police graveyard. Also, the BJP lost ruling
rights in Madhya Pradesh, Chhattisgarh and Rajasthan, three states now facing a
urea shortage that will stunt crops and could blunt the BJP’s chances in GE
2019.
The
northeast looks settled but Karnataka is not yet, with the JD(S)-Congress
alliance showing signs of strain. National Conference leader Farooq Abdullah
talks of ‘regional autonomy’ for J&K when in Srinagar, and for
mahagathbandhan when in Delhi. Amit Shah has lost his zeal for 50 years of BJP
rule. The 5-state elections rendered asunder his invincibility. He is in a
booth with Narendra Modi on that. The BJP will step into 2019 with that sinking
feeling which defines ‘depression’.
Bollywood
actor Naseeruddin Shah is depressed. Naseer is afraid going forward. Aamir Khan
was afraid in 2015. Shahrukh Khan is seldom. Salman Khan? He’s never afraid.
‘Being Human’ helps. But then, Naseer is ‘Shah’ only by surname. He never got
Rajini-style smashing roles. Naseer is worried his children would be asked to
state their religion! And they never went to mosque or mandir
The
Khans’ – Aamir, Shahrukh, Saif Ali, and the lone Shah, Naseer – chose to marry
Hindus and christened their children with Muslim names. That is secularism.
Love Jihad is for the ‘Average Jaan’. Salman Khan is eligible bachelor at 50.
Ditto Rahul Gandhi, 47 going on 48. Maybe, boarding PM-ship in 2019 will see
him the first Prime Minister tying the knot in office. All the more reason to
vote the Congress in? Chronic bachelors should get all help possible. News is
that President Vladimir Putin is all set to marry, again.
That
said, Rahul’s wedding-plans, if he has any, must be known to 10 investigating
agencies, official snoops tasked with keeping track of the fast-paced political
developments. Grounded in the belief that the more eyes the BJP has, the
greater the possibility for Narendra Modi to continue with his world tour. An
audit of money spent “hugging” will make a good story. But for that to be told,
Modi shall have to be evicted so that a marriage pandal can be erected at the
Prime Minister’s residence.
The
BJP seems hell-bent on seeing Rahul Gandhi get married to power in 2019.
Finance Minister Arun Jaitley cut through the GST-chaos Sunday and household
appliances are among stuff that got tax relief. Every marriage needs pressure
cookers and grinders and a future bride of a Congress Prime Minister will not
say ‘No’. Ditto millions of common brides and commoner bridegrooms. The fake
bachelor has had his stay and should make way.
The
discerning eyes of Pakistan Prime Minister Imran Khan have caught the drift.
The much-married in-swinger threw an out-swinger the other day, saying that
India should learn from Pakistan how to treat its minorities. Shows that chaos
this side of the border mirrors the one that side of Wagah. Prisoner of love
Hamid Ansari, who returned home after six years in a Pakistani jail, says
Pakistan is not safe for Indians – Muslim or Hindu.
To
be fair to one and all, for all the cow vigilantism, minorities in India are
not being hounded like Imran says. The blasphemy law in his Islamic Republic
targets gods of other religious denominations, with Jesus Christ, especially,
in the crosshairs. Imran’s no-ball is not lost on Muslims in India. They know
which side of Wagah and Attari life is buttered more. Imran Khan should stick
to his pitch. Naseer is also against aggression displayed by Virat Kohli on the
Aussie pitch.
Cricket
is no longer a gentleman’s game. Politics never was. And the BJP is a cow
chewing cud. Four of the five years since coming to power, it bit into ‘Ram
Mandir’ and ‘cow protection’ and is now regurgitating them for general
elections 2019. Its words and actions betray the intent. The BJP is Bovine
Janata Party! As for gender equality, which is at the Centre of the Sabarimala
chaos, Kanaka Durga’s husband Krishnan Unni is a cowed hubby. “She just took
off without informing me,” he told media. (IPA
Service)
The post Bovine Janata Party Chewing Cud appeared first on Newspack by India Press Agency.
